She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize