no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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