speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
