This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
