Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
