I CAN MOONWALK!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
