I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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