Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
