if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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