Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
