We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize