Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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