I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize