He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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