I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
