how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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