WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
