Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
