Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
