I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
