The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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