I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
