She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
