Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
