oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I lost the right to judge tonight
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
