Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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