I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
