At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
