Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
