I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
