my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
