so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
