my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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