So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
