covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
