Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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