I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize