we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
