The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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