Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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