You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
