I will die if light touches me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
