On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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