Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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