I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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