You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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