Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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