just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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