She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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