alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
