i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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