i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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