the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
