I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How's work?
Spinning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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