Your tits are I can't wait for
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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