i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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