So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
