so that wasnt chicken after all
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
