I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
soo... how was my night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
