Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
